Just gonna give you the heads up, this will be a rambly post. One of those posts that I’m going to sit here and end up spending hours writing and re-reading then taking bits out then typing them out again. But sometimes it’s the most raw and honest posts that do the best so let’s just see where this is gonna go.
My anxiety is something I’ve always been very open and honest about on my blog. I wouldn’t say I’ve been entirely open about it on Instagram as much because I’m not confident enough to talk about it on my stories so I’d rather people who were genuinely interested to click onto my blog and read about it on there instead. Which is perhaps why you’re reading this? Who knows! I published my first post about my experience with anxiety in January 2018 and then an update in November and here I am again six months later.
I went from having anxiety but not really knowing what it was at the age of 17 (I’m 23 now) to experiencing huge waves of anxiety for years then having panic attacks at social events to finally being able to control my anxiety (ish) to where I am now. But where am I now? I’ve experienced anxiety badly once or twice in the last six months which is a pretty incredible thing and I’m chuffed. But when I factor in things like the fact I moved into my first house (v stressful btw) and quit smoking in those six months, it makes me realise just how much I’ve smashed it!
I’ve had the odd wobble here and there which is natural but I’ve managed to keep my shit together 90% of the time. That 10% of the time, I’ve still been anxious because it hasn’t suddenly disappeared ~ unfortunately ~ but I’ve just been able to cope with it a lot better than I did before. So on my birthday even though I was only going to my local pub with all my friends and family, I had a huge wave of anxiety hit me. It’s weird because I always get quite anxious on my birthday and I don’t know why. But anyway, I felt sick and panicky as I usually do but somehow I managed to stay focused and not be sick. There’s been a few other occasions where I’ve felt this level of anxiety but I’m definitely not getting anxious as much as I used to.
So am I over my anxiety? Nope. Do I feel like I’m coping 100000 times better than I was before? Absolutely. I feel completely in control of my anxiety for the first time in six years and slowly but surely, I notice myself recovering. The thought of getting a tube across London doesn’t frighten me as much as it used to and I’m confident that I could go to an event with work and not have a panic attack. They’re two massive things for me and it’s such a relief feeling like I don’t have to be scared of doing them anymore.
If anyone would find a blog post about what I *think* my coping mechanisms are then please just let me know!